Well, shit.

No. I'm not going back in the Spring.

What the hell am I going to do?

I should stop making resolutions and decisions. Anything that ends in -ions, I'm going to avoid.

Right after I made that last post, my grandmother said she'd pay for another semester, maybe even another year. So I decide not to join the Navy. I packed up my things and got ready to leave.

Then the money fell through. I'm basically screwed, right?

So I'm still in my parent's house, only now I have a job at Subway. And, Goddess willing, I'm gonna go back in the Spring.

Please, Goddess. I can't take much more of this.

What Makes A Church?

I went to visit Colonel the other day. Some one came in and while they were talking, I stepped into the training bay.

I think that's what other people feel in church.

They had been waxing the floors, so all of the desks were lined up out there. The thick, hot, musty smell of the place was exactly as it has always been; the mismatched furniture and stray cadet apparel brought tears to my eyes. I grabbed a marker and one of the white boards (I think it was the main parking lot board) and wrote

The challenges you face to day will become the successes you remember forever.

And I made my decision. I will join the United States Navy. I will learn to be a nuclear engineer. I will get my BS in English, I will write my novels, and I will do well for myself.

And I will not take no for an answer.

Midnight Meanderings

We went to church last night.

The massive Baptist church across the street leaves the smaller sanctuary open at night, and during our mad capped adventures we ducked in.

I could not have felt more awkward if I had tried. Amanda crossed herself and settled down in the front pew as though it were totally common place, Meg sang a hymn in Latin (Fab voice.), and Autumn looked moderately less awkward sitting across from them.

I felt... crushed. And like I was being watched. I kept expecting someone to lunge out and demand to know what I thought I was doing in there.

Christianity

Basic Guiding Principle: People are flawed, and only Jesus can save them.

Founder/Prophet: Jesus of Nazareth.

Holy Writ: The Bible, divided into the Old and New Testaments. The Old Testament is actually a Jewish book called the Tanakh. The New Testament revolves completely around the life and times of Christ, and the actions of his Disciples after his death.

Deity: Single male deity, often represented in trinity as the Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

What happens when you die?: Your soul is judged based on the sins of your life. If you have certain sins on your soul, or sins for which you have not confessed and made penance, you go to Hell, a place of eternal torment. If your soul is clean, you go to Heaven, a place of eternal happiness. If you have sinned, but only a little, and you intended to confess or had confessed and had not yet made your penance, you go to Purgatory until your soul is fit for heaven.

Proselytism: Boy, howdy. Jesus told his followers that when he came back, he expected them to have converted the entire planet. They are really trying hard, too.

Hostility towards Non-Believers: There are plenty of good Christians. But for every good one, there seem to be three really, really bad ones.

Things I Liked: Not much.

Things that Bugged me: God is capricious and treats people like a little boy with a magnifying glass and an anthill. Also, I'm going to Hell on principle.

Revelation

I just read this: http://www.turoks.net/Cabana/OtherPeople.htm.

I cannot speak.

Whenever I had to read sections of the Bible before, I asked where all the other people came from. Everyone just told me to hush.

Now I know. And I feel better.

Buddhism

Basic Guiding Principle: All life is suffering. Suffering is caused by desire. To remove suffering, remove desire. To remove desire, follow the Eight Fold Path (Right actions, Right Words, Right Thoughts).

Founder/Prophet: Siddhartha Gautama, the most widely known Buddha. Anyone who attains enlightenment and then helps teach others, however, is also a budda.

Holy Writ: The Vinaya Pitaka, containing disciplinary rules for Buddhist monks and nuns; The Sutra Pitaka, containing the actual discourses of the Buddha; The Abhidharma Pitaka, containing commentaries on the Buddha's teachings.

Deity: There isn't really one, although the Buddha is highly revered and in some sects viewed as a psuedo-god.

What happens when you die?: Reincarnation. Eventually, the soul will reach Nirvana, and the cycle will end.

Proselytism: Passive. Telling your friends about Buddhism is great, but so is not telling.

Hostility towards Non-Believers: None.

Things I Liked: Very mellow, low stress belief system. Also, does not preclude having another religion, as is really more of a lifestyle than a religion.

Things that Bugged me: The 'All life is suffering' bit. That's a little depressing. I was aiming for positive.